Your Guide to Handling Triggers During the Holidays
Nov 20, 2024With the holiday season approaching, many of us are preparing for family gatherings filled with love, laughter, and connection. But let’s be real: these moments can also stir up unexpected emotions and even old wounds.
This is especially true when we encounter triggers.
In this blog post, we’ll dive into what triggers are, why they happen, and how you can navigate them with more awareness and ease this holiday season.
What Are Triggers?
A trigger is an experience that brings up a strong emotional reaction, often because it touches on a wound or belief from our past. When we’re triggered, it can feel like we’re reliving a difficult moment—even though the situation is happening here and now.
This isn’t random. It’s actually your brain and body doing what they’re designed to do: protect you.
Here’s how it works:
1. A part of your brain called the amygdala acts like an internal alarm system, scanning for signs of danger.
2. When the amygdala senses something familiar to a past hurt—like a certain tone of voice or a specific comment—it can sound the alarm, even if no real danger is present.
3. This alarm pulls you out of the present moment and into “survival mode,” where you might react with fight, flight, or freeze.
The result? Even a seemingly small comment can feel overwhelming, leading to a big emotional response.
Common Holiday Triggers
Family gatherings often include well-meaning (but sometimes insensitive) comments like:
“When are you going to settle down?”
“Are you still doing that job?”
“Why don’t you visit more?”
“When are you having kids?”
“You look tired.”
These phrases can tap into insecurities, past hurts, or unprocessed feelings, making it easy to react from a place of defensiveness or frustration.
Steps to Handle Triggers Mindfully
While we can’t avoid all triggers, we can change how we respond to them. Here’s a simple, four-step process to help you navigate triggering moments with more awareness:
1. Pause
The moment you notice yourself starting to react, hit the pause button. Take a few deep breaths. This helps slow down your body’s automatic reaction and gives you space to choose your next step.
2. Feel the Energy Move Through You
As you breathe, pay attention to your body. Notice any physical sensations—maybe your chest feels tight, your fists are clenched, or your heart is racing. Acknowledge these sensations without judgment.
This practice keeps you grounded in the present moment and helps you process the emotion instead of suppressing it.
3. Consciously Respond
Now, you can consciously decide how you want to respond. Here are a few options:
• Change the subject: Redirect the conversation to something neutral or positive.
• Set a boundary: For example: “I’d rather not talk about that today.”
• Choose not to engage: Sometimes, silence or choosing not to engage is the most powerful response.
4. Reflect
After the gathering, take time to reflect on what happened. Ask yourself:
• Why did I feel so triggered?
• Does this reaction remind me of a past experience?
• What belief or memory might be fueling this response?
By reflecting, you can uncover patterns and gain insight into how old wounds influence your present reactions.
Remember PFCR
To make this process easy to remember, think PFCR:
Pause and breathe.
Feel the sensations in your body.
Consciously Respond instead of reacting.
Reflect on what the trigger brought up.
Navigating Triggers with Compassion
Handling triggers isn’t about avoiding them; it’s about learning to respond in ways that align with who you are today. By practicing these steps, you can navigate family gatherings and other challenging situations with more ease and self-awareness.
If you found this post helpful, feel free to share it with someone who might need it. And if you’re interested in diving deeper into managing triggers and emotional regulation, check out my coaching programs or resources below:
